@#%&!

I had a small gathering in order to celebrate my belated birthday. People showed up, we played N64, people got drunk, etc. Well, seeing how I was around people that were inebriated, I was able to actually get participation with my little "ideas" for "fun".

We had a chugging contest to see who could chug 12 oz of their own piss. The other guy won. We also made piss popsicles. Oh, and my urine tasted like chicken broth. Rad.

I got 2 other people to take shots with me, but they contained no alcohol. Just texas pete and a habanero pepper. It was amusing, but my stomach still burns and OMG IT BURNED WHEN I PEED THIS MORNING.

Next week, I am planning for a day where people show up in old clothes, ready to get dirty. I will purchase a large amount of eggs, and we will then proceed to go into the woods and throw the eggs at each other, in a large egg fight.

Maybe thats why I havent been content since I moved? I haven't done anything that felt like it is something I would do. I miss the days of fighting with bananas in backyards, watergun fights, water balloon fights indoors, food fights, going outside at 3am and burning random objects, throwing random frozen animals at the walls, and breaking things that didn't work. I need to introduce some chaos back into my life. Fuck this newfound structure in my life.

//Nothing follows

< / 2008 >

Happy Thanksgiving to you people. REMEMBER, this in NOT "Turkey Day" for that is August 30th. The Turkish people celebrate it because in 1922 they won their independence. Correct yourselves, or I shall send you bottles of fermented urine labelled "Eggnog".

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WHEN THE FUCK DID I END UP EATING OATMEAL!?

On a completely unrelated note, I have to take a shit.

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Ok, so I won't lie, I have a cloak and a lightsaber. I want to go into walmart and buy beer, and when asked for ID, I want to do the hand wavey thing and say "You do not need to see my identification."

What amuses me is the warning label on the lightsaber:

"CAUTION: For accessory use only. Not to be used as a battle device. Device may cause damage or cause injury if used with excessive force.

I wonder if the pun was intentional or not.

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*checks "cleavland steamer" off of the "things to experience" list.*

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KATIE HAS SEX WITH GIRAFFES.

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"It's the name of the poison I took earlier today." - Me
"I'm going to laugh at your funeral when you die of eating poisonous shit." - Will
"It's nowhere near lethal dosage." - Me
"Famous last words." - Will

Hahah I have such great and supportive friends. But then again, should that really be supported?

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Last I checked, deer meat was NOT supposed to taste/smell like vagina. Am I right?

So, just how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

This isn't rhetorical, if you can read it, ANSWER IT.

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So, I normally make fun of certain fads and such I consider to be lame, and one of them, much like wood paneling on vehilces (Oh how I LOATHE that stuff) got on my nerves to the point I did something about it.

Fake bullet holes. You know, those stupid stickers people put on their car to make it look like it got shot up? Fuck that crap, I got with a friend and we took his 9mm Glock and put REAL bullet holes in the side of my vehicle.

Hollow points make me giddy. =)

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Oh, I found a profound medical use for beer. THATS FUCKING RIGHT! It so happens to be an anti-inflammatory agent. (As in, it makes swelling go down.) This is done by applying a cold beer can or bottle to the wound. It works, I tested it on my ankle.

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Ok, so...I managed to learn a few things tonight:

It IS possible to skateboard drunk on crutches. I didn't think I could, especially since my other foot is in a splint and unusable, but I managed to move around at least. I didn't even say 'hello' to the concrete tonight, which is funny because I greet it often enough when sober.

Also, with crutches, it is hard as fuck to move uphill, but moving DOWNHILL is even harder.

Oh, and, gravel SUCKS.

I took a walk around the block because I am not going to let my injury limit what I can do.

Anyways, I normally do not think ahead because when I do, I often decline and talk myself out of such actions that I deem as 'fun' and 'challenging' to do. So, avoiding thinking ahead, I decided to drink tonight.

Now, I did not take into consideration before drinking that alcohol is a diuretic, (Increases urine production in an attempt to get the 'poison' out of your system faster via kidneys) and I would be making more frequent trips to the bathroom in order to purge it from my system. This, plus my 'lose fluid gain fluid' rule did not help. This is where I take a cup with me to the bathroom and intake water as I urinate, in order to maintain healthy hydration levels.

Not only did I not take that into consideration, but it is considerably HARDER to hop around on one foot to the bathroom (I leave the crutches downstairs) ESPECIALLY when the room is spinning. Balance and coordination being affected while having balance issues from having to stand on one foot while peeing is rather...amusing. I won't lie, I have lost balance several times (My left foot cramps due to being used so much as of late seeing how it supports my body weight) and managed to urinate on myself and everywhere else. Granted, that is even moreso difficult while being inebriated, but still. Don't worry, Lory - I clean up and disenffect my mess.

So, some may ask: "Why don't you just sit down and pee?" HAHA because that wouldn't be fun, now would it? Silly cuntslushies.

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So, for a rather long time, people have asked me why I don't have any tattoos. I have been told I am the type of person they would expect to see covered in them. Not sure what that means, but oh well.

I am perfectly fine with piercings because I can take them out when need be, and if I don't like it it is far easier to get rid of as opposed to a tattoo. It won't keep me from getting jobs or anything as opposed to a tattoo.

Besides, lets face it - I enjoy randomness. I would probably not get meaningful tattoo in case my thoughts and such change, but, I would instead cover myself with pointless random entities.

Here is a basic rundown of what I would have.

A strip of bacon on the right side of my neck, turkey bacon, even.
A yellow peep on my left shoulder.
A tramp stamp, probably tribal.
A goomba face on the glans of my penis.
Flames on the shaft of my penis.
The words 'catfish hymen' in old-english up my forearm
A puzzle piece on my inner thigh
A kidney on my back
A blender on my leg
A kiwi with a question mark over his head standing next to a kiwi fruit on my hip/stomach.
A flaming coconut on my ass
A random number behind my ear.
Kanji script for chaos and tranquility UNDER appropriate fingernails.
Eyeballs on my eyelids.

I would probably also see if I could get anything internal tattooed.

This makes me want to go get THUG - LIFE in old english done across my chest. =P

But, there you go, this is why I don't get tattoos.

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If I ever get married, I don't want to do the whole wedding ring thing. Fuck that, me and whoever it is should switch kidneys or other random organs. She can have one of mine and I can have one of hers. We can have them removed and implanted and spend our honeymoon recovering in the hospitol. Now THAT is fucking romantic.

Everytime I piss, I'll smile because I know half of my urine is technically my significant other's. =)

If crabs contained cheese? You could walk around on a beach, pick up a crab, snap it in half and suck the cheese out of it. Imagine, American cheese crabs in Florida, nacho cheese crabs in the Gulf of Mexico, etc. THAT WOULD FUCKING RULE.

Life is an investment. For what? You find out when you die. Until then, learn to actually live.

Think of your life like this: You wake up. You have work at 5 in the evening. How do you go about making the best of your time until then? How do you squeeze the best you can out of your time until that point? We can sit there and realize this and do nothing, or we can do the best we can to enjoy it. Eventually in our lives, we ALL reach point B.

Think I am 'crazy' because I do 'stupid', 'pointless', or 'weird' things? Know what? I bet I smile more throughout each and every day than you.

Never understood me or why I do the things I do?

You do now.

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( WARNING:CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES OF ABUSED TECHNOLOGY. )

The rest of my technology, take note and be warned.

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If I have anything of yours, let me know.

I plan on leaving TN on the 30th or 31st.

I am not longer sure where I will be going. I will try to go to a certain place, if not there, then I will find someplace. Maybe I will become a roaming bum? Don't expect to see me visit often, apart from my court thing in August. I may be back eventually, but right now, I need to get away.

Instead of waiting til I am comfortable and have stable ground, well, fuck that, that isn't like me. Life is an adventure, I need to live it like one.

I want to find a DVD boxset of just random commercials. That would kick SO MUCH ass.

See, we hate commercials because they interrupt our shows. If there were no shows, I don't think many of us would mind them. I want some non-stop commercial action.

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I was too busy earlier capping rats and tossing them over the fence with a shovel to see the old lady and her grand-daughter watching me do it.